Sexual Hypocrisy in the Workplace

Sexism and sexual inappropriateness in the workplace. Ubiquitous. Happens to all of us. Who can afford to lose her job to stand up to it? Who gives up and just counts the days until retirement? Who buys a lotto ticket two times a week on a long shot to infinity; hoping this one will be the winner and she can quit her job?

Who uses her sex to manipulate men in the workplace? Who finds her power there? Who doesn't care how it affects other women? Who was taught sex and desirability is really where a woman's power lies?

Hypocrisy. Ladies, you all know what I'm talking about. We live in a culture that still pushes sex as power. Here's an example:

Dynamite Clothing - The Rise of WorkLeisure

If this doesn't drip with sick irresponsibility, I don't know what does. This marketing campaign shows a gorgeous woman of mixed race lounging seductively, tucking her chin coquettishly, swaying her hips through the boardroom, modeling off the shoulder tunics, backless blouses, and form fitting leather skirts as a campaign for blending the lines between work and happy hour.

I'm going to tell you with complete authority and 25 years of management experience that everything about this campaign is a bad idea. Girls don't do it. Mothers, tell your young professional daughters, "don't do it." I'm not being prudish. Women should feel good, beautiful and powerful. Women should then be successful based on work merit and ethics. I'm completely certain that an ad campaign that gives a style for every day of the week, and calls Thursday's style "Trophy Thursday" is not concerned with a woman's intellectual abilities.

Don't do it.

This campaign drips with disaster. Even if sexualizing her work power works, eventually it will ruin the woman who does it. Unwanted sexual advances, sexual assault and pariah status are probably a given possibility, but the underbelly of this kind of approach to work is a deep, slow burning self hate. Loneliness. Broken Trust. Lack of meaningful connection. Spiritual decay. Decay.

This is harsh, but I'm going to say it straight - A piece of meat decays.

I think if you ask around, you'll find that most people in an office don't trust the "dynamite" girl. She may be perfectly wonderful, interesting and smart, but who wants to sit with her at happy hour? Not her female peers. Not the men who know better. Don't do it.

Part 2 - My Own Hypocricy

I once attended a company meeting where a senior leader popped off a sexually inappropriate joke about women. It was sandwiched between his frequent use of the F-word; which is probably his favorite superlative. The female VP of Human Resources was there. She murmured a weak protest, and then let it go.

"He's a good guy. You know how they are. They're just different than us."

True statement from a workmate in my office.

A few hours later, I met with the VP or Human Resources. My goal was focused. Better training tools and systematic ways to document progress. I went in and pitched for my staff. For ways to showcase their gifts and talents. Ways to help them advance based on skills and merit. I did not mention the earlier gross behavior. 

Why?

Did I let that go because I didn't want to hurt mine or my staff's ability to promote and succeed?  Had I justified the comments because good guys like him are just that way; when I don't believe that bullshit excuse anyway? Most definitely, it was self preservation in a very male dominant company.

I'm a 50 something woman. God. I won't even get into that one. I have a family. I have a home, a car, a 401k, rural property. I also have a long successful work history as an operations manager. I have a Master's Degree. In my current job, I manage one of the largest teams in the company. I manage multiple projects. I am the poster child for a mother in the workplace. I do it all, y'all. I know a lot, and I am valued by my peers. There are about 5 layers of managers above me. Only two know my name. The rest have a vague idea that my department can make or break the whole business. Yet, I'd probably react the same way today if a similar situation happened. I'd self-preserve.

So, how do respected, successful women change this culture? Much like teaching young girls self respect falls on the parent, it may be that teaching professional self respect falls on the leader. That's me. It may be you.

I try to keep my eye to appearances wide shut when interviewing job candidates. If looks become a distraction, I talk about it with a trusted peer so that she can help me shake that and make a good hiring decision based on merit. I don't shy away from different. I do have my ways of peeling back the interview facade to take a look at social beliefs and views of the world. I have to do this because I can't tolerate backwards social thinking. I can't hire hidden misogyny. 

What's left to do? I have to believe that I am so critical to the mission that I can stand up to sexual inappropriateness without fear of repercussion. I'll let y'all know how it goes if the situation arises again.

It's Never Enough

I'm curious. At what age does someone care more about retiring than working? I feel like I'm teetering on that time. God knows we're nowhere near retirement. We have many, many years of work to look forward to. I'm not sure if mine is a symptom of introversion - because I'm not crazy about people all around me - or a sense of defeat that says it's not going to get much better than this. i.e. I won't be retiring as a multi-millionaire.

I want to chuck it all and go live in the country, but old age would be pretty scary. No doubt, we'll live a long time, and that means outlive our means. Maybe Trump and Kim will destroy the world as we know it with sophomoric mouthiness gone bad, and then we'll be richer than most because we have a nice little patch of land.

We happily talk about what to do next. Put new floors in the Austin house? Clear another acre in the country? Landscape the backyard? None of those things will happen for at least a year. Why? We just got a whole new HVAC in the Austin house. I knew it was going to happen because the existing system was failing when we bought this house. Some freon and a new capacitor gave it a few more years of function, and then reality came a callin'. I guess we can call the new HVAC our first major improvement to this house.

I'm pretty sure we're living the real American Dream. You know. The one where we race forward at breakneck speed while sliding backwards an inch for every mile. Lately, I've been trying to figure out how to get the inch back.

A side hustle that doesn't wear me out more than I already am each week. A side hustle I can do by myself because my wife is beyond worn out each week. I haven't figured it out yet. I thought I'd add a few commissionable links to this blog, but it's the wrong kind of blog. Small readership. Older. Not particularly swayed by the impulse buy. Not reading this for advice. So, that's not the solution.

Spend less money. Let me tell you. I am not a frivolous person. Neither of us are spendthrifts. HVAC. That's where the extra money goes.

Save more money. HVAC.

All in all, I KNOW how blessed we are. It's my personality- my close resemblance to a goat - that makes me want to achieve just a little bit more. Make things happen a little bit faster. Climb a little bit further. Because in my mind, that next financial plateau is what makes retirement come sooner rather than later. 

That Cheap, Old, Awesome Dinnerware and Glassware That Never Dies

O.K. I'm back to the Antique Week chatter. Now that summer has blown away, and fall is kicking in, your favorite home decor retailers are revving up the holiday tableware sales pitch. The cheap old stuff your granny passed along to whoever would take it is actually a better buy, if you ask me.

Frankly, I love the old Depression Glass and cheap Green Stamps tableware my mother gave me. It transcends its cheap and slightly tacky look to be retro urban cool beyond anything the big retailers can offer. Although I don't actively collect depression glass or other vintage glassware anymore, I think it adds a nice touch to everyday dining or the occasional dinner party. So we do pull it out sometimes.

Avon Ruby Glass

I have a collection of Avon Ruby wine goblets and port glasses, I have plates and glasses of various size in the Depression Glass pink Sharon pattern, along with other random pink pieces, and a sizable collection of Sterling China (Japan) that my mother gave me. I recall this stack of dinner plates, saucers and tea cups coming from the Minimax in Edna, Texas. I think she collected stamps to get them. They were our everyday plates before the introduction of the microwave. After that, she boxed it all up because they have decorative metal rings that sparked. Now I use them with my family, but usage comes with strict instructions not to put them in the microwave.

Sterling China Florentine Pattern

Something I love about the Sterling plates and my Depression Glass plates is that we eat less. The pink plates are only about 9 inches in diameter, and the Sterling has about that much eating surface, with the rest of the plate dedicated to the outer pattern. 

Pink Depression Glass Sharon Pattern

Now that I've shown off my shabby collection of cheap glass, I want to encourage you to buy the old stuff. It's actually cheaper than the new replicas, and the old stuff has soul. Somebody else ate and drank off of this cheap dinnerware. They collected colored glass out of  oatmeal boxes, or at the movie theater, or like my mother, at the grocery store. We still earn the "free gift" today, but our contemporary freebies won't last for generations.

If you're headed to Antique Week, look for some cool old glassware. Make it the star of your Thanksgiving dinner party. Brighten up the holidays with nostalgia. That's what we'll do. We'll put up the every day Sterling plates and set the table with the pink stuff. It will be fun, and it will feel like our history.

Final bit of advice. Check eBay for these old table relics. I did some quick comparison, and I found that websites dedicated to the 3 different collections I own were more expensive. I really don't know what the prices at Antique Week will be. Here are three easy links to the glass I own:

Pink Depression Glass

Avon Ruby Glass

Sterling China (Japan) Florentine Pattern

Check out the other Depression Glass colors, too. I love the greens and blues, and my sister has a big collection of milk glass she inherited from our grandmother. It's heavy and ugly to the point of being cool. 

Milk Glass

Whatever style you like, buy up enough to set a table, and have some fun with holiday dinner parties.